Allow Daughter to Come Home From Jail or Tough Love?

Question by Ann O: Allow Daughter to come home from jail or Tough Love?
My daughter has been in jail for the past 6 weeks for breaking her probation.

She is 26 years old & has been a heroin addict for 9 years. She’s in jail because her urine screen came back dirty (positive for heroin). Six weeks ago, before going to jail, she overdosed in her boyfriends car. She had turned blue, was foaming at the mouth and wasn’t breathing. My some Miracle, the boyfriend was able to finally revive her. This is the 3rd time in 9 years that she’s overdosed. The last time was 4 years ago – which she tells me is a big improvement.

She has been to short term (1 week) rehab several times, inpatient detox 4 or 5 times, most recently a 4 month residential treatment facility (all paid for by State because she is in the Drug Court program).

We have let her come home time after time and the results seem to be the same – she does okay at first, but always ends up using again. I understand the PAWS (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome), effect that may be a reason why she relapses between 4-6 months.

She is involved with a man who is himself a using addict. She knows that this relationship is destructive, but isn’t able to leave him due to major co-dependency issues. The Judge has said that if she comes home, there is to be no contact what so ever – which I cannot believe she would follow.

The Judge, parole officer & public defender have all told me that she can come home (on house arrest) this week. Almost everyone in my family says that this is a mistake. They want me to tell the Judge, etc., that she can’t come home. This will mean that she’ll sit in jail until, at some point, the State of IL gives funding back to the communities for drug treatment. My family says that it’s time for her to “save herself” and face the consequences of her actions. My husband felt the same way, but tonight told me that yes, she can come home again – but this is the last time (we told her this the last time she was in jail).
I am torn over what to do.

Any feedback is much appreciated.

Best answer:

Answer by Fred
Best wishes to you

What will it accomplish for anyone to allow her to come home?
She’s spent over 1/3 of her life as a Heroin addict now.
Do you think you can save her from herself?
She’s 26 and you have no ability to control her life now, and all the programs she has been in have offered only mini successes . . but she invariably go back to it in a Big Uncontrolled Way.
Tough ugly situation . . . .
I think you might ask yourself if this will accomplish anything? or will it be just more pandering to her? or will this just make you feel better?

I really don’t see much coming from bringing her home. She will be on better behavior(maybe) for a short period . . .If she’s back out on the street, she’ll most likely start using quickly. It seems there is no benefit to having her at home. The results are the same.Only you can answer that question.
If you’re just hoping and hoping she’ll get better . . then . . keep hoping.

I might suggest you seek some sort of counseling for you, as this is a horrible thing to work through, with only very shortlived successes.

If this is “The Last Time” for her . . then why not just choose not to let her come home.
Everyone’s had enough now . . . She’s torn the family apart long enough.
If this “Is The Last Time . . then just stop it Now. . . .You know there is no change . . otherwise she wouldn’t be in jail again

Answer by jø????
I would keep her in jail. At least when shes there you kno. She won’t kill herself